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posted : Tuesday, February 17, 2009
title :
Looking through my diaries during my freetime for the past few days.. I've realised I have grow up quite abit.. I've laughed at the past silly thoughts of mine, and of course, I also felt the process of growing up within me ever since my grandmother passed away. I'm not sure if anyone had encounter the similar change as me, or some may even feel, "is your grandma's death a big whooha to you?"
Yes, it is.. if you ask me this question. I began to look at life from a different perspective from how I looked at for the past 19 years. I'm turning 20 this year, which is.. I need to know what I want in life. It made me realise that at the age of 20, am I satisfied with what I have achieved? Is my life meaningful right now? What should I do to make my life more meaningful than now? If I were to join as an air stewardess with SIA, will I be happy travelling around the world but without my family with me? Should I continue my studies in universities just like how everyone did? My mind is in a blank whenever my friends asked me about this. What do I hope to achieve in the future? People say our destiny of our lives lies in our own hands.. But what I am studying now, is it going to help me in my future job? Right now, I don't wish to think of love matters but only family and friendships. Well, you can still tell me you like me, but don't expect anything more than that. I once asked a friend of mine, is your bf somebody you are going to rely on for the rest of your life.. Well, they paused before answering me.. Some said not sure if he's the one, some chose to remain silence.. and also, some said they are lazy to start a relationship all over again with a new person who don't know anything about you at all. It is not surprised that they can't answer me even though they have been in a relationship with somebody for long.. For me, I believe I will definitely get to know more people in the later part of my life. You can say I am selfish, but you have to admit this is true.. I don't want to add in more regrets in life for sticking to somebody wholeheartedly right now. This isn't me. I believe this is normal for everyone. We will always slow down our pace, looking back at what we have done so far.. and started pondering if this is what we really want. I'm sure you all agree with me that things do happen because it was predestined. Life lessons are the same, just that some people experienced it early, some experience it late, in many different situations, with different people we met. These few days, I have been staying at home doing house chores.. To my surprise, my dad even praised me in front of my mum saying that I'm a good girl, compared to my sister. I felt happy to be praised definitely. hahahah. Mum specially bought my all-time favourite fruit, mangosteen to compliment me for the initiative of helping her to complete daily workload of hers.. I want to be successful in life, be it work or friendship. I want a car by latest the age of 30. I want to bring my family around the world, so that they get to feel the different fresh air in the different parts of the world. |
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